Many of us know the uneasy feeling of watching our kids struggle to fall asleep because their mind is too active. The lights go out, the house gets quiet, and suddenly every worry they pushed aside comes back up to the surface.
Clinical psychologist Dr Lisa Damour, who worked on the film Inside Out 2 to help shape the portrayal of emotions, says this is common in anxious children. Her guidance, broken down below, focuses on routine, emotional openness, and tools that help ease the tension.
One of the most effective places to start is with a predictable nighttime routine. Sleep does not behave like a switch that can be turned on and off at will. The body needs time to understand that rest is coming. A calming routine before bed sends that message.
Parents can help children turn off their phones, sit with the family for a short period, maybe watch something light, and then move into brushing their teeth and changing into pyjamas. Reading in bed for a little while also helps the mind settle. Even twenty minutes of this kind of wind down can make it easier for the body to relax and drift off. Over time, the brain learns to associate the steps of the routine with rest, making sleep feel more reachable.
Another helpful piece: giving children space to talk. When a child carries worries into the night, those thoughts can grow louder in the dark. Encourage them to share what is bothering them earlier in the evening. Sometimes saying the worry out loud is enough to loosen its grip. Knowing that an adult has listened can help a child feel less alone with whatever is on their mind. This creates a sense of safety that supports better sleep.
There are also moments when a child’s fears feel much bigger than the situation they describe. Psychologists often view these as irrational worries shaped by overestimating danger and underestimating personal ability. A child might believe that a single test will define their future or that a small mistake will lead to something terrible. When these thoughts set in, the fear becomes heavy enough to keep them awake. Parents can gently guide their children away from those extreme predictions. Instead of trying to push the anxiety away entirely, the goal is to shift the focus.
Parents can guide a child to look at a worry from several angles instead of getting stuck on the scariest possibility. They might talk through what would realistically happen if things go wrong and what steps the child could take to handle it. Simple actions, like asking a teacher for help or reviewing confusing material, remind the child that they are not helpless. When they see that they have some control, the fear usually softens.
As children get older, their imaginations grow stronger. They start thinking about situations that are far removed from the present. This is part of normal development, but it can make nighttime worry feel bigger. Regular routines and open conversations help steady them when their thoughts begin to drift into the future. These familiar habits provide a sense of safety that makes it easier to relax before bed.
Physical signs of worry are important to notice. Quick breaths and tight shoulders can trick the brain into believing danger is nearby. Teaching children how to slow their breathing or loosen their muscles can break that loop. A long inhale, a slow exhale, or a gentle stretch can be enough to quiet the body, and once the body relaxes, the mind usually follows. This is especially helpful at night when anxious thoughts tend to feel louder.
Thought based strategies can work alongside these calming techniques. When a child is caught in a frightening thought, helping them sort through it step by step adds perspective. The goal is not to tell them their fear is silly. It is to help them see the difference between what might happen and what is likely to happen. When they realize they have ways to cope with the situation, they feel less overwhelmed and more settled at bedtime.
Researchers who study sleep often emphasize consistency. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day helps regulate the body’s natural rhythm. Predictability lowers stress, and this sense of order can make it easier for children to unwind. A steady routine sends a simple message to the body that it is time to rest.
Parents should remember that anxiety is not something to erase entirely. A small amount keeps children aware and thoughtful. The real aim is to help them understand it and respond to it in healthy ways. Once they learn that anxiety can rise and fall without taking over, bedtime becomes less intimidating.
Dr Damour’s insights, in short, highlight the value of emotional support, simple routines, and basic coping tools. Every child is unique, but most benefit from a blend of comfort, honest conversation, and structure.
With these elements in place, the evening can shift from a stressful time into a predictable and gentle part of the day.